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There have been many times in my life where I have fallen into the trap of thinking only about what I get out of going to church. And often being disappointed when I did not get what I wanted.
Did I feel the Spirit during the sacrament?
Was I uplifted/entertained by the talks and lessons?
Did I learn something new?
Did people talk to me?
Were people kind to me?
Did I walk out feeling spiritually recharged?
But does this attitude largely miss the mark of worship? Instead of judging our fellow Saints for their boring talks, lessons read straight from the book, or lack of inclusion, could we reframe our purposes for going to church?
There are many ways a person could do this. But I would like to consider two.
(1) The Widows Mite
I went through this phase several years ago where I was extremely frustrated with what I saw as other's unwillingness to talk to people. I couldn't understand why you couldn't just walk up to people and start talking. Which, as I look back, is totally insane.
Until my early 20's I couldn't talk to anyone. My shyness completely incapacitated me. The idea of walking up to someone I do not know and having a conversation was a literal impossibility. So, for me to be frustrated that others had the same problem is beyond comprehension.
Luckily, a kind Bishop reminded me that most people are doing the best they can. And just because something is easy for me, does not mean it is easy for others. Much like the Savior's teachings to his apostles about the two mite donation from the poor yet faithful widow.
If we continually assume that everyone around us is doing the best they can it is so much easier to see their actions with grace and compassion. Striving to see the efforts of others through the lens of the Widows Mite (cheering on our fellow disciples for giving what they can and striving to grow and improve, as opposed to becoming frustrated with their lacking),
can make our experience at church much more of what it needs to be.
(2) Who needs me today?
In 2017, Sister Bonnie L. Oscarson gave an amazing talk that has stuck with me ever since.
"Occasionally our children would ask us the question, “Why do I have to go to Mutual? I just don’t get very much out of it.”
If I was having a good parenting moment, I would reply, “What makes you think you go to Mutual because of what you get out of it?”
My young friends, I can guarantee that there will always be someone at every Church meeting you attend who is lonely, who is going through challenges and needs a friend, or who feels like he or she doesn’t belong. You have something important to contribute to every meeting or activity, and the Lord desires for you to look around at your peers and then minister as He would.
It is true that we attend our weekly Church meetings to participate in ordinances, learn doctrine, and be inspired, but another very important reason for attending is that, as a ward family and as disciples of the Savior Jesus Christ, we watch out for one another, encourage one another, and find ways to serve and strengthen each other. We are not just receivers and takers of what is offered at church; we are needed to be givers and suppliers. Young women and young men, next time you are at Mutual, instead of picking up your phone to see what your friends are doing, stop, look around, and ask yourself, “Who needs me today?” You may be the key to reaching out and touching the life of a peer or to giving encouragement to a friend who is quietly struggling.
Ask your Heavenly Father to show you those around you who need your help and to inspire you on how to best serve them."
I remember a time when I joined a new ward. The first Sunday there, I was hurt that more people did not introduce themselves to me. At that point I made a decision to start talking to everyone. I was going to be the type of person I wanted others to be. And despite this initial decision being largely fueled by spite, this changed my church experience.
There are still lots of boring talks. There are still plenty of non-sensical testimonies. And there are still plenty of classes that I get nothing out of. But, none of that matters. I no longer attend church solely for myself. I attend to make others lives better. I attend to try and make uplift someone who needs it. And this has made all the difference. I stopped thinking so much about myself, and paradoxically, I enjoy my time at church so much more.
As we change our perspective on our Sunday experience, our spiritual fulfillment will undoubtedly increase.
A few quotes related to this topic:
“We do not go to Sabbath meetings to be entertained or even solely to be instructed. We go to worship the Lord. It is an individual responsibility, and regardless of what is said from the pulpit, if one wishes to worship the Lord in spirit and truth, he may do so by attending his meetings, partaking of the sacrament, and contemplating the beauties of the gospel. If the service is a failure to you, you have failed. No one can worship for you.”
As learners, we should not expect to be constantly entertained, emotionally stimulated, or spoon-fed; we should actively, prayerfully prepare for and seek specific inspiration from the Spirit to help us face the unique challenges in our own lives. Whether a class instructor is a 20-year veteran institute teacher or a new convert plumber who has never taught a class before should make little difference in the quality of our learning. Peter was a fisherman; Joseph Smith had no more than a third-grade education. But the Spirit spoke powerfully through them to those who had “ears to hear.”
Henry B. Eyring quoting his Father:
"Hal, let me tell you something. Since I was a very young man, I have taught myself to do something in a church meeting. When the speaker begins, I listen carefully and ask myself what it is he is trying to say. Then once I think I know what he is trying to accomplish, I give myself a sermon on that subject." He let that sink in for a moment as we walked along. Then, with that special self-deprecating chuckle of his, he said, "Hal, since then I have never been to a bad meeting."
"Considering all of this, how could it ever be possible that we of all people would not be excited about attending our Church worship services? Or get tired of reading the holy scriptures? I suppose this could be possible only if our hearts were past feeling to experience gratitude and awe for the sacred and sublime gifts God has granted us. Life-changing truths are before our eyes and at our fingertips, but sometimes we sleepwalk on the path of discipleship. Too often we let ourselves be distracted by the imperfections of our fellow members instead of following the example of our Master. We tread a path covered with diamonds, but we can scarcely distinguish them from ordinary pebbles."
“Many years ago, I was first counselor to a district president in the eastern United States. More than once, as we were driving to our little branches, he said to me, ‘Hal, when you meet someone, treat them as if they were in serious trouble, and you will be right more than half the time.’ Not only was he right, but I have learned over the years that he was too low in his estimate.”
"We come into these congregations, and sometimes a speaker brings a jug of living water that has in it many gallons. And when he pours it out on the congregation, all the members have brought is a single cup and so that’s all they take away. Or maybe they have their hands over the cups, and they don’t get anything to speak of."
"...spiritual experiences have less to do with what is happening around us and everything to do with what is happening within our hearts. It is my witness that true worship will transform ordinary Church meetings into extraordinary spiritual feasts.
Two people, one sacrament meeting, totally opposite experiences. The difference? An attitude of worship.
Great post Drew! As always.